Why accountability feels different for everyone

Two phrases I hear on a regular basis: motivation and accountability.

From shoppers, readers, and individuals who wish to get more healthy however can’t appear to make it stick.

Whereas they sound easy, each are literally…sophisticated.

When somebody says, “I simply want extra accountability,” what that actually means can fluctuate quite a bit.

• Typically it’s about methods and construction.
• Typically it’s about readability on their targets and find out how to obtain them.
• And generally, it’s about how we personally reply to expectations – each from ourselves and from others.

Why no single “system” matches everybody

When you’ve ever learn books like Atomic Habits by James Clear, The Energy of Behavior by Charles Duhigg, or Swap by Chip and Dan Heath, you already know there are lots of frameworks on the market for understanding conduct.

After 15 years of teaching, right here’s what I’ve discovered:

None of those methods are foolproof. None of them absolutely seize how complicated individuals actually are.

However that’s not the purpose. Each is a lens. A brand new vantage level that helps us see our habits and struggles in a different way.

And whenever you’re caught, generally that’s precisely what you want: a contemporary perspective that offers you a brand new solution to method issues.

Enter The 4 Tendencies

A number of years in the past, our total teaching workforce learn ​The Four Tendencies​ by Gretchen Rubin, and it offered some actually key insights that we’ve baked into our teaching program and the way we take into consideration serving to individuals ever since.

The fundamental idea is that this: individuals reply to inside and exterior expectations in a different way. By understanding which expectations you thrive with, and that are a battle, you may work with your pure tendencies as a substitute of preventing towards them.

The most typical tendency we see is The Obliger.

Obligers are the glue of a workforce or household. They meet outer expectations (deadlines, commitments, serving to others), however resist interior ones (self-care, private targets, boundaries).

Sound acquainted?

When you’ve ever stated:

“I do know what I ought to be doing… however I can’t appear to do it for me,”

…you is perhaps on this group.

One in all our shoppers described it completely:

“Each little bit of vitality feels consumed by surviving my workday, assembly the wants of my household, serving to with the wants of others… there’s too little self-care and self-prioritization in my life right now.

I do know I deliver the state of affairs upon myself. I’m wired to decide to issues, to be concerned, to wish to be wanted and valued and acknowledged. Nevertheless it comes at a worth. The calls for from different individuals or issues depart little left for me.”

That’s the Obliger expertise in a nutshell.

And let me be clear, this isn’t about weak spot or lack of willpower.

The truth is, Obligers get SO MUCH performed.

The issue is that they usually sacrifice their very own targets to assist others, which may result in well being challenges within the long-run.

How we assist Obligers succeed

At Nerd Health Teaching, we assist Obligers by offering three key helps: exterior accountability, Dial Mode changes, and monitoring wins as they accumulate to bolster and reward their progress.

Right here’s how one can translate these into your individual apply:

• A coach or exercise buddy you checks in and celebrates wins with you
• A guidelines or ​tracking system​ that makes your progress seen
• Constructing out a ​Dial Mode​ – i.e. a plan for several types of days so you may alter accordingly and keep away from burnout
• Reframing targets as one thing that advantages others – i.e. “I’m exercising so I’ve extra vitality for my children.”

As you’ll discover, a number of of these are about externalizing your accountability.

Right here’a one other enjoyable tactic: write a letter out of your future self to your present self thanks for displaying up. That is the precise factor that clicked for my shopper Gina. When issues obtained hectic, writing that letter made her really feel accountable to her future self (in a great way!). That straightforward shift helped her keep constant by means of a chaotic month.

The Hidden Hazard: burnout and the “pause button”

Obligers usually tackle an excessive amount of.

They juggle one million competing expectations – deadlines, household, coworkers, group.

And when all of it will get too heavy, they have an inclination to hit the massive pink pause button on SOME of these.

“I simply can’t take care of all of this proper now. I’ll get again to it later.”

Completely comprehensible. And in reality, it’s an act of self-preservation. They CAN’T hold going at 100 miles per hour.

We regularly see of us on this state of affairs attempt to minimize out all of those exterior expectations with the hope that they’ll lastly have time to give attention to themselves later.

It sounds logical, nevertheless it normally backfires.

As a result of Obligers truly thrive with some type of exterior accountability.

So the important thing isn’t to eradicate expectations. It’s to curate them.

Listed here are a number of counterintuitive questions I prefer to ask to do exactly that:

What are the advantages of NOT shifting in direction of objective X proper now?

And what are the implications of continuous to maneuver in direction of it?

By reversing the outdated “professional/con” record, we will get lots of readability on what feels good to you!

Large image takeaway

Motivation and accountability aren’t one-size-fits-all.

Understanding your “tendency” offers you a brand new lens – and utilizing instruments particular to your wants will increase your probabilities of success within the long-run.

If you wish to see the place you land, you may take the free quiz from Gretchen right here -> ​https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/​

Let me know which tendency you get! (I’m a Questioner! 🙋‍♂️)

-Matt

P.S. Enjoyable truth: ~60% of the individuals we work with at Nerd Health Teaching determine as Obligers. Everybody’s wants are totally different, which is why we design teaching round you, not generic motivation hacks. If that sounds just like the type of construction you’ve been lacking, I’d love to speak to you. Simply hit reply to this e-mail. ❤️